You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
