I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
