Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
