i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
