you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
