I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
