k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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