Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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