I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
