there's paper in my vomit.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
