I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
