loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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