its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
