The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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