Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
birth control should be required to get into college
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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