No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
