my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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