So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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