I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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