i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
