Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
