Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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