I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
