Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
