11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
