Sry I called you an 8
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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