I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
