Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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