I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
