im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
