Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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