well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
