i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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