i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
