I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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