so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
