grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
