I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He did a backflip because drugs
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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