before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
