Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
