Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just sent this text using only my big toe
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
