so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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