You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
