I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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