I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
