New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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