i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
