Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
