hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
