Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
