final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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