this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
