Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
