Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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