I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
