if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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