I am spending my child support on dildos
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
