Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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