Kiss
Puke
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
