i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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