did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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