Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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