and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
